We've all done things we aren't particularly proud of. Some of them are incredibly self-destructive. Others are building blocks for learning bigger lessons in life. The following don't necessarily fall into these categories. Regardless, these are some of the dumbest, weirdest things I've participated in during my 32 years on Earth:
1. I voluntarily attended a cat show in Cincinnati, OH. Let me start out by saying, though, that the friends I went with were fantastic and we actually had a fun day! But, putting that aside, there are a number of bad choices encompassed in this single event. First, I went to Cincinnati. Let's just say it's not the Mecca of excitement, entertainment, or cleanliness. Plus, it's in Ohio. And I haven't even factored in the cat portion of this adventure. Now, let me be clear... I don't hate cats. I don't particularly enjoy them on any level, but I don't dislike them and I'd never want anything bad to happen to one. But, I'd never own one as a pet. So.... I drove from Canton to Cedarville, OH. Then we proceeded to travel INTO Cincinnati, park, and walk to the Expo Center to participate in a cat showing event. The rest of the day is pretty fuzzy (he he... see what I did there?)
2. Once upon a dark evening, a long time ago, in a faraway land (Canton, OH), there was a girl. Guess what her name was? Heather. I hope you haven't heard this one before... anyway, this girl drank an immense amount of liquid throughout the course of one day. She then took a very large sleeping pill. In the middle of the night, the liquid and the pill decided to combine into the perfect storm and interact in such a manner that basically ruined the rest of the night. Long story made short.... I woke up (sort-of) and had to pee something equivalent to the force of Niagara Falls. I stumbled to the bathroom (remember that very large sleeping pill?) And, guess who didn't check to see if the actual toilet lid was up? Lid folks, not toilet seat. Well, that would be me. So... basically, in case you were wondering, once you sit on TOP of a toilet lid and start peeing... and you're in a sleep-induced incoherent state, there's no way that flow is stopping. And, what do you end up with boys and girls??? A really large puddle of urine surrounding the toilet on the floor, carpet, etc. Yep, that was certainly one of the highlights of my adult life.
3. The following songs that are currently on my iPod may actually cause some of you to un-friend me on Facebook and casually stare in the opposite direction if you should happen to see me in public:
As Long As You Love Me - Justin Bieber
California Gurls - Katy Perry
Faded - Soul Decision
Give Me Just One Night (Una Noche) - 98 Degrees
Leavin' - Jesse McCartney
London Bridge - Fergie
Science Fiction Double Feature - The Rocky Horror Picture Show Soundtrack
Spanish Stroll - Mink Deville
She Don't Use Jelly - The Flaming Lips
Heaven - Bryan Adams
Puttin' on the Ritz - Taco
I'm currently going through the 12-step program. I'm past denial, currently into the "admitting I have a problem" stage. Hello, my name is Heather, and I have made some poor life choices where music is concerned. Currently seeking a sponsor to check in on me once a week regarding my progress.
4. I bought a Chevy Cobalt. I'm pretty sure I don't need to explain this any further. Moving along...
5. I once ran out of dishwasher detergent. Being the genius that I am, I thought, "hey! I have this Dawn dish soap. I mean, it's to CLEAN dishes." So.... yeah. I opened the rotting, decaying dishwasher and poured a crap load of liquid dish soap in. The result: Approximately 20 minutes later the entire kitchen and part of the dining room was totally flooded. I mean, there was A LOT of water. And bubbles. So many bubbles. The silver lining? My kitchen floor had never been cleaner.
6. Okay, this one is certainly something I'm not proud of... I don't recommend doing this on any level. But, the outcome (now) was humorous. So, about 2 years ago I had bronchitis. And a migraine. So, to knock out all of the symptoms at once, I took some "liquid gold" cough syrup, a migraine pill, and then my usual daily dose of Zoloft... also... bad, bad choice here - a couple of Unisom. One would think that in approximately four minutes flat I would have been out cold for the next twelve hours. But, for some reason, I was still awake. When I say "awake," I'm using this term very loosely. Sure, my eyes were open and I was breathing and whatnot... I had some mobility, but my decision making abilities were severely inhibited. In that state of mind, of course the most logical course of action would be to ask my husband to take me to Target. I had some serious shopping to do. Important things to buy. I barely remember putting a coat on and getting in the car and I vaguely recall walking around Target. I was definitely in a haze. All I know is that the next day, after the medication cocktail had worn off, I checked out my amazing Target purchase. Needless to say, I was slightly surprised. I had managed to spend approximately $78 on the following items: three (3) pair, in various bright colors, of little girls leggings - size extra small; $18 eyeliner - from TARGET, people! If I'm getting $18 liner, I had better be at Sephora. Other items making it to the roster were toilet paper, a horrible red shade of lip gloss, 3 greeting cards (I don't think it was any one's birthday), and some tissue paper. I sheepishly went back into Target and returned the entire mess of a purchase.
The stories that I could share are numerous. But, I'm going to stop for now because I realize I'm beginning to sound like I have a serious love affair with night time cold, cough, and sleep-inducing remedies. I promise y'all, I'm NOT that bad anymore. Really. I don't need an intervention.
So, feel free to share some of your fondest regret-filled moments with me and help increase my self esteem.
Love ya!!!!!
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