Do you want to hear the most annoying sound in the world?

"Guys... do you want to hear the most annoying sound in the world?"  

Well, let me tell you from personal experience.  I've heard A LOT... and I mean A LOT of annoying sounds in my lifetime.  Some I can't mention.  Some are completely wrong (while hilarious), most are disgustingly hysterical bodily functions... because I'm perpetually a 12 year old tween boy mentally.  But, by far, the most annoying sound I've encountered in recent experience occurred between the hours of 12:00 pm and 6:30 am this morning.  Crickets.  Guess what I found out last night?  I freakin' hate crickets.  I would use stronger language... but Jesus wouldn't approve.  They're smarter than we usually give them credit for... and they can move at lightning speed with cat-like reflexes.  

Ponder this:  We live in a two-story condo.  Our master bedroom and bathroom is UPSTAIRS in the back portion of the house.  One would THINK that if an insect, such as a cricket, were to enter a premises, it would enter on the ground floor level. But NO, not our forward-thinking beastly little intruder.

He thought it would be fun to do a number of things to ruin my night:  1)  My husband INSISTED that Mr. Cricket was outside... I knew from that gut instinct inside... calling to me.  I felt like Caesar Milan.  Except for insects. "Heather Hogsed. Cricket Whisperer." I could feel his presence.  So, I searched. And I searched.  And I searched.  I tried earplugs.  I tore cabinet doors open.  I turned on all the lights.  I looked behind the toilets.  I checked under the bed.  Looked in the closet.  Checked under the dressers.  I tried drowning his horrendously loud and obnoxious "singing" with Family Guy reruns.  Sure, it was a fun treat to watch Peter and Meg become the cool kids at the high school dance... but, not necessarily what I had planned for 3:00 am.  3:00 am - for me - is a special time during which I like to pass out and drool in a beautifully unconscious state.  To me, that is sheer bless.  Last night was nothing short of sheer torture. Six and a half hours of ear-bleeding torture.

It's finally 6:30 am.... time to get up, get moving, and get ready for this day that's proving to be extremely long already due to serious lack of sleep.  I go to the other bathroom and begin getting ready.  I hear pounding from the first floor.  Todd triumphantly walks up the steps.... he's KILLED the suspect!  YES!  But, something told me that wasn't the end of the story.  Because... I KNEW... I KNEW  that the true instigator was upstairs, in our master bathroom.  And.... guess who was right????  THIS GIRL!  Points to me.  As Todd was getting in the shower, he found Prime Suspect No. 1 - and he was a big sucker.  Happily Sadly, he drowned and is now being cradled in the arms of Jesus.  But, I can look forward to one thing for certain tonight.... a solid 10 hours of pure, blissful, drool-filled sleep.

I feel slightly smug... I mean, it's not often that I'm 100% right.  But this time - PURE VICTORY for ME.  It's a feeling of magic and wonderment.  I may as well be riding through Far Far Away on the back of a unicorn eating Starburst Jellybeans.  That's how amazing I'm feeling about being right. 

TRULY, the most annoying sound in the world goes to:

Just imagine this at 10,000,000,000 decibels, like, basically right inside your ear drum.