I think it's a shame when people feel like they can't be themselves around others. Sometimes, you need to know that there's a select group of individuals in your life to whom it doesn't matter if you haven't brushed your teeth yet today or shaved your legs in 3 weeks.
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| http://heatherhogsed.jamberrynails.net/ |
I'm notorious for being a bit off-balance; voicing opinions and sharing knowledge that the "normal" person would find to be completely inappropriate or worthy of a private conversation. But, that's not how I roll. Basically, that's pretty much how I've come to find some of the best friends in my life. Who knew that a single poop joke could lead to a 15 year friendship? It's true. I have the uncanny ability to form real, honest relationships from the strange crap (pun intended) that people don't usually want to talk about.
If you're interested in this amazing opportunity, just be advised that there are a few requirements and recommended qualifications when applying to take on the tremendous task of entering into one of the most fun and rewarding friendships of your life:
1) Must speak nerd.
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| Nail wraps: Buy 3, Get 1 FREE! |
If you don't understand anything I've just typed, there's still hope, but it's not looking good for you. Sorry. The best way to make up for this is placing a Buy 3, Get 1 Free order at heatherhogsed.jamberrynails.net/
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| http://heatherhogsed.jamberrynails.net/ |
2) Must be fully aware of and confident in your bodily functions.
It is completely natural to exhibit bodily functions. If you're alive and breathing, let's face it... we all poop. We all fart. We all burp (some better than others). While some of these functions, perhaps, are best done in secret, that should not in any way hinder you from sharing the vivid details of a moment that has made you so proud, you kind of don't want to flush it.
While we're on the subject, did you know that because Jamberry wraps are made from a non-toxic vinyl material and contain NO polish, there is absolutely no dry time? Seriously, you can even do your mani while on the throne. And then, there's this added bonus:
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| http://heatherhogsed.jamberrynails.net/ |
3) Must be able to construct a one-hour text conversation based solely on humorous "pins."
This is essential to the health and well-being of the friendship. When you don't feel like putting pants on, but you want to have a good laugh without actually having to speak with your friend in person or over the phone, the "Pinterest" chat is the perfect solution.
This includes, but is not limited to, forming a secret pin board to
share in private what you wish was okay to laugh at in public. Speaking
of Pinterest, if you don't have an account yet because you've just awoken from a 45 year slumber in a cave somewhere in Bulgaria, you
should definitely make this happen. Immediately. If you're not
familiar with what Pinterest is or how it works, feel free to check out
my Jamberry board by going to http://www.pinterest.com/hogsed03/jamberry/Obviously, this is purely for informational purposes.
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| http://heatherhogsed.jamberrynails.net/ |
4) Must realize that my dog is my child.
No kids yet, so this cute fuzzball is my child. Be aware, when you sign up to be my friend, you will most likely be bombarded with stories of Mocha-related shenanigans and adorable pictures.
By the way, did you know, if you were so inclined, that Jamberry wraps can be used to amplify your pet's personality?
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| "Mommy & Me" sets now available! |
5) Must have knowledge of and respect for the proper use of the "beaver face."
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| Jamberry offers animal-print wraps |
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| http://heatherhogsed.jamberrynails.net/ |
A little known fact about the "beaver face" is that it is used most effectively in awkward and inappropriate situations. While the "selfie" is overused, the "beaver face" is the one exception to this new rule. A "beaver face" begs for a selfie.
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| Jamberry does not participate in animal testing. This includes beavers. |
6) Must not be afraid to share and indulge in guilty pleasures.
Really, it's okay if you have a mini celebrity crush on Daniel Radcliffe or you feel that you secretly need to DVR The Vampire Diaries every Thursday at 8:00pm. Nine times out of ten, my guilty pleasures will not only match yours, but quite possibly surpass it. You love Gilmore Girls and you were more than overly excited by this amazing addition to the Netflix library? We are going to be BFF's.
Did you know that you can even "conjure" up your own wrap creation through Jamberry's Nail Art Studio? Create your own designs to further indulge your guilty pleasures by visiting http://heatherhogsed.jamberrynails.net/
(see what I did there? Harry Potter? Conjure? I'm hilarious.)7) Must hate spiders. Self-explanatory.
But, the experts do say that in order to conquer your fear, you must face it head on.
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| Jamberry Nails - Widow's Web |
8) Must love coffee. Self-explanatory.
Did you know that you can even use the heat from a hot mug of coffee or tea to apply your wraps? You can find out more by visiting http://heatherhogsed.jamberrynails.net/
9) Must hate Nickelback.
This may be a deal breaker.
While Nickelback is a complete failure and brings sorrow and shame to Canada as a nation, to compensate for this, Jamberry DOES offer the opportunity to become an Independent Consultant in Canada! Jamberry ships product orders to Canada as well. For more information, go to http://heatherhogsed.jamberrynails.net/
Just an interesting factoid.
10) Must have a secret/not-so-secret love for boy bands.
Do you know all the words to every song performed by The Backstreet Boys, NKOTB,
and N'Sync? If so, we're going to get along famously.
Heading to your favorite boy band concert? Live out your fan-girl dreams in style! With over 300 designs to choose from, Jamberry can provide you with a fun manicure for your wild night out!
11) Must be able to use the term "pooportunity" correctly in a sentence.
Definition of "pooportunity:" The moment that occurs after several days of constipation or the urge to defecate after consuming large amounts of coffee.
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| Festive holiday wraps now available! |
See here for the proper use of "pooportunity" in a sentence:
12) Must love random surprises.
It's so rare in our culture to find a friend that knows you so well they surprise you with the thing your heart desires most even before your heart knew it desired it.
Kind of like this:
Another great way to surprise your friends is by purchasing them a gift that is really going to make their day. Looking for the perfect gift idea? Why not Jamberry? Order yours today at http://heatherhogsed.jamberrynails.net/
If you're up for the challenge, please submit all applications via email to heatherhogsed@gmail.com.
